My instruction manual for Life right now

My nervous system is being tested today big time.

I did a art journaling session, all the while taking deep slow breaths because I was feeling so freaked out. Subconscious fears. But I prevailed. I pushed through the uncomfort with gentleness and presence.

Then I continued writing this blog post, which I originally started writing during the Aquarius full moon. It had a lot of cool insights, which I will now try to remember because Wix lost all of it. But it's fine. I huffed and puffed and shook my fists (like actually, not figuratively). I breathed deep.

Just breathe.

It's ok. Life happens.

Life happens for me, not to me. It's a lesson, not a setback.

I need to remind myself of things from time to time. Benefitial habits start falling off when I stress myself too much. Because I'm the one that's doing it to myself. That's what it truly means to be responsible for yourself. Surely society is not helping at all at the moment, but it is still a choice that I am making: to stress about things.

It's understandable, life today is expected to be fast-paced performance heavy grind which does a good job of keeping our nervous systems unbalanced. All the constant distractions, keeping us from looking within us. That's where I was living as well.

Depression, anxiety, panic attacks.

Video games, sex, relationships, alcohol, cannabis, other random substances, Netflix, junkfood, numbing out.

But that's what I needed at the time. That's how it is for everyone. We are all doing the best we can with the life experience we have. Even if you already know better and still do 'the bad thing', you are doing the best you can.

We are taught to...

not show emotion (please child, don't scream (even though you feel an emotion that you are trying to express))

do things we do not want to do (because please, child, be NICE)

not believe in ourselves, suppress our imagination and lose our magic (child, you are only imagining)

& so much more.

Then you add on top of that everything else, the stress, the information overload, the hurry, the panic.

So hell yeah we are all doing the best we can with the nervous systems we have.

That's what being a human is about. Trying. Failing. Trying again. Changing direction. Changing your mind. Trying.

Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life. Yes, but also, it's ok to just be if everything feels too much. It's ok to simplify life for a while, to do less. TO THINK LESS. If I need a distraction for that, then it also serves. Be it food or something else. Just allow whatever it is, accept yourself fully and magic starts to happen.

I'm learning really hard to not judge, myself or others, because they are always related. If I judge myself, I also start forgetting that everybody is different. It's something I understand and believe, I just forget. Just like I said. Remind yourself, try again. Allow, accept. Do not judge.

That's what I needed to remind myself of today.

It is a choice. Life is what you make it. 💖