Your work is not your value as a human

I've just recently done an almost week long digital detox and Silence during my vacation. I stayed home alone instead of traveling to Sunny places, because I felt called to be in Silence and to be Still.

Silence was easy, being still was not. I spent the first three days of my vacation cleaning, rearranging, redecorating, creating. All fun things for me, but that was not the intention for my vacation. Sitting still made me feel very uncomfortable, so I avoided it. After the initial haze of Doing I did manage to slow down. I've made it a rule for myself that if I feel emotionally uncomfortable, I try to sit with the feeling and ask myself where it's coming from. This time it was just truly not easy at all.

I have this deep-seated belief that I am not valuable if I am not Doing and Performing all the time. I know that I am not alone with this, as this belief goes deeper than just how I was raised or what kind of an example I was shown in my childhood. This belief is deep in our society as a whole. In school we are taught that how well you perform equals how good you are as a person. Low grades are an indicator that you are less than. Your value is measured by how much you can do, and how well you can do it.

Even creativity is given a value. We are graded for our drawings, our stories, our singing, our dancing, our movement. WHAT??? So that somebody who feels alive only when he's singing will be afraid to ever sing, because his teacher said he's not a singer. So that we feel like our authentic expression is wrong, should be hidden and never talked about or shown to anybody. So that people feel ashamed or selfish for their "silly" hobbies that might be the only thing keeping them alive. So that people are afraid to dance in public, because they feel like they can't dance "properly".

There is something so wrong with the world today. We have been turned against each other, and against ourselves. Against nature (and therefore against our human nature).

“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?” ― Gabrielle Roth

Just because our society values Performance and Results over Happiness, does not mean it’s right.

✨If you love singing, sing, and call yourself a Singer.

✨If you love dancing, then dance, and call yourself a Dancer.

✨If you love to create, then create, and call yourself an Artist.

✨Whatever makes your heart feel alive, do it, and claim it for yourself. Because it brings you joy, no explanations needed.

💖It might not be what you do for a profession, but it does not mean it’s not something that you are.

It's common to ask somebody new you meet "What do you do for a living?". I would like to change that to "What do you love to do?" or even "What makes your Heart feel alive?".

There is way too much emphasis on our work. Work is not what defines us or our value.

Anyway. After my vacation ended I was so proud of myself for understanding that my value does not come from just how I perform and felt confident (might I say overly confident and arrogant also, which is a trait I'm trying to let go of) that "this time I have actually learned my lesson" and do not have the need to Do all the time. Funnily enough, first day back at work, instead of taking a break when I planned, I thought "oh I'll just do this one more thing very quickly". Minute later I slipped and fell in the yard and landed on my ass so hard that I am still recovering from it.

I was in a lot of pain but I laughed so hard. I took it as a reminder and a lesson. My value is not measured by how well I work myself to death. It's a hard lesson for me to learn, years in the making. Reminder was also to embody the wisdom, not just comprehend it with the Mind!

Next lesson came straight after, when I couldn't really move much less work. I am being completely honest and say that in the past I would have gone to work anyway. Despite the pain. And with this I also know that I am not alone. I've heard it being bragged about, seen as a virtue. "Look how well I'm torturing myself".

And I'm being completely honest in saying that I did try to work. A few times. Yes, because I felt such uncomfort about not being able to work. After I understood that I don't want to torture myself anymore, I felt like then I need to get something else useful done to not "waste" this time I'm resting, so I could at least be studying and learning all the time. Haha. No really, I have the right to just Be, without Doing all the time. It's allowed and it's healthy. 💖